According to Wikipedia, an arrange marriage is a marriage arranged by someone other than the couple getting married which avoids the process of courtship. Arranged marriages have been around for centuries, with roots that go back as far as Middle Ages Europe. In Middle Ages Europe arranged marriages where necessary for survival. According to Historian E.J. Graff, arranged marriages during this time also “ensured inheritances, and stitched together the social, political, and religious needs of a community.” To this this day arranged marriages can still found in places such as India where it is the prevalent form of marriage. Here in America, marriage is viewed as a product of “love”, where individuals freely choose their partner. Critics of arranged marriage argue that love is a “sensational force that can not be forced,” therefore love marriages are the way to go as the relationships are based on “compatibility.” However, I don’t entirely agree with this point. I don’t necessarily believe that the western tradition of marriage is any better than the tradition of arranged marriage, especially in the context which western marriages are formed.
I believe that the western romance scene is influenced too heavily by pop culture. Pop-culture has given us a view of marriage whereas two individuals are “struck” by a force of love, become happily married, and thereby live “happily ever after” like a fairytale. Within this, I believe that there lie several issues. First of all, love under this theory is based entirely off of this “impression” of love, where Individuals fall into a “love at first sight”, which is often based of physical attraction. By doing so, individuals fall into a deep state that I would almost consider “coma-like.” These people become so convinced that this person is “the one” that they are willing to do just about anything. Even though, in the back of their minds, they may realize that they are not compatible with this person, many individuals will force themselves into believing that they are “destined” to be together. I am convinced that compatibility cannot be forced. Individuals may be able to produce a “fake” version of themself, however their “true self” will eventually be revealed causing great incompatibility. In addition to this people’s looks change over time, no one will look the same as they do today ten years from now. If the relationship is based entirely off of “physical attraction” it is imminent to fail when the person looks different a decade later. In my opinion, arranged marriage as a much more stable version of marriage. Under arranged marriage an elder relative such as your parent pick who you would you marry. This elder relative searches for your mate, looking for individuals who share the same values and characteristics as you and your family. Of course there is always a chance that this “matchmaker” can have other priorities upon their mind, such as bringing wealth into a family. However, often times this is not the case. These individuals are not biased by the “love curse” portrayed in the western tradition of marriage, leading these matching’s to be truly based off of “compatibility” instead arbitrary reasons such as looks.
By going with arranged marriages we are sacrificing the “freely falling into love” idea. Despite doing so, though arranged marriages we are taking emotion out of the matchmaking equation, which leads to more stable relationships, furthering the “happily ever after” view. Statistics back up my belief, just look at divorce rates. Divorce rates in areas prevalent with arranged marriages are between 0 to 4 percent (Danny). Compare that to the western divorce rate of approximately 50 percent (Danny). The western version of marriage may not necessarily be the “happily ever after” in which it is portrayed.
Sources:
Interesting perspective, Michael. I think you're criticisms are insightful and mature.
ReplyDelete